Reflections

Below are some reflections about recent events in my life in diary-style writing. I recommend reading it in tidbits. No need to read it all the way through; take it easy.

–

“Put me on the shelf, discipline myself

To let the sparks die out

Shattering anything

That has reflections of you”

Without thinking too deeply about the words—heck, without even hearing the words correctly until I Google searched the lyrics a moment ago—“Reflections” by MisterWives has been an anthem for me over the past months. I don’t know how to confirm it, but I’d guess that it’s one of my most played songs this year; it’s been spiriting to listen to the song during my Chicago Marathon training runs on the Chicago lakeshore.

As part of a self-care initiative, I signed up for the 2023 Chicago Marathon and launched myself towards marathon training about seven months ago. Throughout my training, I thought deeply about how I can prioritize myself over any and all things; how I can prioritize my physical well-being, engagement in mental health maintenance and improvement tactics, my interests, my education—I can go on and on with this list.

In the midst; inspired by conversations with friends, the Barbie movie, a book “Strong Hauler: Learning to Live with Long COVID” by Ibrahim Rashid, the live-action One Piece television series on Netflix, and anime series I’ve been keeping up with; I thought deeply, many times over, about my surroundings. Who I spend time with on a regular basis, how my bedroom looks, the food that’s available in grocery stores local to me, city roads filled with potholes that put bikers at-risk of flat tires and quick car accident-derived deaths… it all matters. It all is worth thinking about for one who is interested in putting themselves before other people and things.

In deep thought, I came to realize that I needed a job change. I loved sharing times with the people I connected with through my job—my [now former] colleagues in the office, friend-colleagues in the office, colleagues in other departments in the University, folx at off-campus organizations in the Chicagoland area, UChicago alumni and friends, folx in the video games industry, and more. I love many of them, and I would love to work with many of them again. However, multiple cost-benefit analyses led me to conclude that I’d be better off leaving my [now former] role and moving onto unfamiliar pastures.

There is so much I gained from my previous workplace. I can speak lots to what I’ve gained in terms of “developing” and “finetuning” “technical skills” and “soft skills.” I can speak more to further understanding myself—what kinds of impulses my biases give rise to, how my perceptions of situations and my decision-making processes are primed by ableist notions, when I find it easiest to shine, who I want to be each day, and who I want to become in the days to come.

I can also speak to lots of stress, various ways of managing stress that work for me but not for others, various ways of managing stress that work for others but not for me…

It’s interesting to reflect on how I embodied care for things that I didn’t care for previously, and that I arguably don’t care about at my core. Those things include Student Employment, higher education administration, recruiting, talent acquisition, and human resources. I consider it a superpower of mine—to be able to become more interested in things over time. The superpower is accompanied by risks; the risks are manageable with the help of others who can embody ambitiousness and kind-heartedness at opportune moments. I believe that everyone has this superpower.

–

My personal mission statement has been and currently is, in short, “to drive social impact through video games.” My background doesn’t obviously reflect my commitment to this mission statement, so I’d like to take a moment to draw a picture of story in relation to it.

Throughout the past few years, I’ve repeatedly acknowledged how messages from video games have constantly echoed in my head throughout various chapters of my life, shaping my person and playing an integral role in my human development. “My friends are my power” and “all hearts are connected” (ref: Kingdom Hearts) are examples of such messages; they’ve grounded me when I’ve felt most vulnerable, empowered me in conversations with people who share my interests, provided me with different lenses to see the world through. There are so many ways of thinking about how the messages have influenced me.

I’ve centered myself on the following ideas:

• Video games can play an integral role in people’s human development.
  • For many folx of my generation and later generations, it is an indisputable fact—video games have played, and continue to play, an integral role in our human development.
• Everything I’ve experienced can be leveraged for art.
  • All feelings and ideas I’ve had can be put into art—be it drawings, paintings, bracelets made via Native American beadwork, video games, writings, or any other form of art.
• I can tell stories like no other person.
  • I believe all persons can tell stories like no other.

Centering myself on these ideas, I feel confident about my ability to think deeply about how my background equips me to think carefully about video games and their relationship to people in terms of culture, education, career development, human development during the lifetime, and evolutionary biology. Everything in my history can help me imagine a future where video games are at the forefront of many social services-oriented fields of work.

Connecting the dots is like marathon training and running an actual marathon. With many fun moments, accompanied by times where you reallyyyyy feel like you are dragging your feet, connecting the dots has brought me to the following conclusions about my background:

• Musical theatre: My experiences with method-acting, following a script, considering body language options, singing and dancing to songs that are embedded with all kinds of feelings of people of previous generations, and channeling stories of other people; I can use all of this to create believable characters within RPGs, develop game mechanics that work for players of all kinds of backgrounds, and more.
• Dance: My experiences with dance – including contemporary, hip hop, and mixed types of dance – have helped me understand body sensitivity, the role of flexibility in many kinds of bodily movements, how observational learning can be some folx’ primary tool while years of dance foundations can be other folx’ primary tool, and the importance of trust in choreographies that involve partner work (just to name a few); I can use all of this to appeal to a certain population of players, design games that encourage and/or facilitate regular exercise, and more.
• Music (singing, clarinet, trumpet, flute, French horn, guitar, piano): …
• Comparative Human Development studies: …
• Public Policy studies: …
• Gender and Sexuality studies: …
• Astronomy and Astrophysics studies: …
• my experiences with hundreds of anime and manga series: …exposure to stories of many kinds of individuals…
• my experiences with video games, playing some during a certain period of my life and playing others throughout most periods of my life: …
• conversations I’ve had with folx who have designed video games: …
• conversations I’ve had with folx who are working in the video games industry in non-design roles: …
• Sports (tennis, soccer, frisbee, bouldering, cycling, running): …
• my experiences as a career advisor: …
• my experiences as a pot-washer / dietary aide at the Farren Care Center: …
• my experiences as a Customer Service Associate at Walgreens: …
• my experiences as a snow shoveler at Snow & Sons Landscaping: …

All these aspects of my background contribute to my capacities for developing storytelling content that tugs at players’ heartstrings, thinking about how different game mechanics influence players’ differently across contexts…

Many artists—writers and manga creators included—draw from their own personal experiences, highlighting aspects of their own lived experiences to the world. In doing so, they highlight aspects of lived experiences of many other people. I am one of such artists; my experiences empower me to highlight aspects of many people’s lived experiences.

–

A reminder to those working, those seeking work, and those done with working: Workers have the power. Workers choose each and every day—each and every moment—what they do, what they tolerate, what they care for, where they go, and who they are.

Workers are positioned to train “employers” on how to best support their current employees—those that make them up—and how to create spaces that will attract and support future employees.

Contrary to popular belief, workers are in no way weaker nor inferior with respect to employers.

–

I will be building upon these reflections and completing my discontinued thoughts in separate blog posts. More to come!